So, did you find what you were looking for?

A bit more than two years ago I quit my job, put my possessions into storage and hit the road, making cycling the defining feature of my life.  I toured 5000 kms along the US pacific coast and another 4000 kms exploring my homeland, the British Isles.  I’ve been to Colorado twice for a total of three weeks mountain-biking the Rockies and last winter I spent three glorious months in the Big Bend area of south-west Texas riding the gnarliest trails you’ve ever seen with my bad-ass mountain-bike posse.  Though I did return to Ontario to work this summer, I spent most of my time on the road-bike and even completed a 200 mile road race.  In less than two weeks, I’ll head back to Colorado to meet my good friend Reilly with whom I’ll spend the month of December road-tripping around the American south-west, hitting-up every mountain-bike destination possible, eventually arriving back in Texas for the winter months.

Beyond the thousands of miles, a lot has happened over the past two and a half years.  While both my parents died of cancer, my brother and his wife have brought two beautiful boys into this world.  Friends have married, others have separated and several have had children.  I’ve made many new friends and acquired a few new tattoos.  And while I’ve dated a little bit, the life of a nomad doesn’t really engender itself to a lasting, loving relationship.

At the end of my US tour, when I first arrived in Texas, my surrogate sister, Kt, asked me a question I’ve been trying to answer ever since: “So, did you find what you were looking for?’  I’ve agonized over that question.  There have been several blog postings started and deleted.  There was a day spent way up in the Scottish Highlands texting my dear friend Sergio about that very topic and a myriad other conversations since debating the same question.  The biggest difficulty in answering that question was that I never knew what I was looking for; how could I possibly determine success when I didn’t know what I was measuring?  Well, I think I may have figured it out; I’ve been seeking happiness.

Like many people, my whole life I’ve bounced around from job-to-job, always excelling but never really caring enough to stick with it.  While in Texas last January I took a five-day Wilderness Advance First Aid course figuring that since I do a lot of riding in some pretty extreme/remote locations, I should really have the training to deal with the eventual injuries that would occur to myself, my friends or others on the trail.  It was incredible, I enjoyed it so much!  In fact, I believed that a career as a paramedic was what I should do with myself, how I could make a contribution.  To that end, I’ve spent the summer volunteering with the amazing people at the Burlington Division of St. John Ambulance and taking a few college preparatory courses required for the submission of a successful college application.  I’ve chatted with many people about the job, the schooling and life as a paramedic.

In so doing I’ve come to appreciate the immense dedication required to be a paramedic.  It’s not just a job but an all-encompassing lifestyle, like being a cop or a soldier; and that just doesn’t jive with my desire to have months off at a time to go cycling.  Although I am confident I would be great at the job, I just don’t think it’s right for me; it just wouldn’t make me happiest.  While there were a few days where I was really getting down on myself, thinking I’d failed even before I’d began, I now realise that my time with St John has served an invaluable purpose; to help me decide if being a paramedic is really what I want.  Now knowing the answer to that question, I’m back trying to answer Kt’s question, have I found what I’m looking for?  And you know what, I think I’ve found the answer;  I just want to ride my bike[s].

Chatting with Reilly while in Colorado, he said something that really stuck with me; “man, I just wanna get paid to ride my bike.”  That thought keeps coming back to me seemingly so simple.  But knowing I’ll never be a pro racer[nor would I want to be], I’ve got to figure out another way of subsidizing my happiness.  Well, I’m working on a plan, I’ve got an idea in this helmeted head of mine.  Though I’m not prepared to announce my plan quite yet, rest assured that once things start to come together, I’ll let you in on my little secret.

In the mean time, I’m going to ask you what Kt asked me that fateful day; have you found what you’re looking for?  Do you know what makes you happy?  Though I hope you all can answer yes, I know that’s not the case.

So that’s my challenge to you my dear friends; ask yourself if you’ve found what you’re looking for.  Have you really found happiness?  Do you really, REALLY know what that even means?  I bet only a small percentage of people can truly answer that question in the positive.  For the rest of you, it’s never too late to ask, to question, to seek and to find happiness.

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