Prepping for Paul’s; I worry

Five days. Five days until the last sleep before I race the 100km Paul’s Dirty Enduro mountain bike race. Sitting here in the barn at the BBC, drinking coffee in the early morning, I worry about Saturday’s race.

I worry about finishing, about having enough in my legs, lungs and heart to get the job done. I worry about letting down all those who have donated to the cause(not too late for you to donate, click here). I worry about being defeated, again, for the third time at this race. I worry most of all because I just don’t know what sort of shape I’m really in right now, I just don’t know if I’m any where near prepared for this race.

This summer started off very well, with weekly long rides and a couple of shorter rides during the week. Then those long days took their toll and I burned out. Finding my motivation again, I began to just have fun on my bike, riding for the simple pleasure of being on the bike and on unknown roads. As the summer wore on, and the days got really warm and very humid, I began to suffer greatly on those long rides, unable to hydrate well enough, cramping late in the day. Even as recently as a week ago, the humidity in the Ganaraska Forest forced me to quit my ride early because I had, again, ran out of water while sweating profusely. Because of the challenges the humidity has presented me, I’m really not sure where my fitness lies, unsure if my body really does have what I know it’ll take to conquer Paul’s in the cooler autumn weather.

I’ve been eating okay, but not great. I’ve been working long hours at the bike shop, and in turn, have been too tired to get up early and ride. Sure, maybe I have on occasion, but certainly not with the regularity serious training calls for. I don’t remember the last time I was on the bike for eight hours.

Then again, I know that I have it in me to ride all F’ing day. I know most of the trails on that 100km course, that familiarity giving me some comfort. My bike, Isabelle, is working well and I feel confident in my gear.  So what’s my problem?
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The unknown, that’s what I fear. I don’t have the confidence to know I can do it, so I fear that I won’t.

But there is nothing I can do now but get my head straight, put on my helmet and shoes, then go turn my pedals for several hours in the woods. After all, there are no guarantees, no promises that the future must honour. There is just me, the trail and many, many tiny little turns of the pedals.

And that’s really what Paul’s is about; just turning the pedals one at a time, whether literally or figuratively.  It’s about overcoming the fears we all have, the fears that can cripple us, that lead some of us to the point of suicide. Since there are no guarantees, all we can do is live one moment at a time, not worry about yesterday or tomorrow, but simply live today and let the chips fall where they may.