Full Disclosure

Last weekend I spent two days bike-packing through Big Bend Ranch State Park with my doppel-ganger, Keith. We rode about 84 miles and climbed about 6,600′ over 4×4 roads, single-track, double-track, abandoned road-beds and a bunch of creek bed. However, I’m not going to tell you about any of that. Just know that it was fantastic. Instead, I offer you something I neglected to give Keith before we set out; full disclosure.

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Early on day one, summiting about a mile’s worth of climbing, Keith stopped to remove his knee-warmers. “Perfect timing,” I observed, “this’ll give us a chance to scope out Patricia’s place before we ride by.” Noting the confused look on Keith’s face, I proceeded to explain.

Patricia is a long-time local woman who owns a huge piece of land down here. She has a reputation for drinking way too much at all hours of the day, she doesn’t take her meds and is known for jumping out of her truck and shoving a pistol in peoples face. She has done this to several friends of mine who were either on their own property(!) or were driving down a road they had every right to be on. In both cases she stopped her truck, got out, and aggressively waved a gun while demanding that they “get the fuck of my land!” Keith’s expression had now turned rather serious.

“What I want to do while we are here is check out her place for signs of movement, see if she is home or not.” I explain.

“Oh shit, she’s in her truck….and she’s pulling out of her place…heading this way!” The look on Keith’s face was priceless.

So what do we do?” he demanded.

“Well, although she and I have met once or twice, I doubt she has any recollection of who I am. We should hide.” I announce.

And hide we did.

We grabbed our bikes, walked across the desert for a minute before dropping into a wash. We stashed our bikes behind some cacti then walked further still so we we could take cover behind some shrubs.

Squatting on the ground, keeping quite and looking at each other nervously, we watched as Patricia drove past. When we were sure she was gone, we collected our bikes, walked back to the road, and continued on our merry way.

“Next time you take me on some back-country adventure,” Keith admonished, “I’d really appreciate full disclosure about the risks you are exposing me to.”

“That’s fair.” I replied. Although, I decided to withhold details about our camp location until the following morning.

Full disclosure.